Tomorrow weโll be enjoying the unlock of all the OTCโed $CRV from six months ago.
Today, though, weโre celebrating FUDmas Eve, with the retelling of our favorite fable.
โTwas the Night Before Unlocks, when all through the chains
Not an LP was stirring, not even weekly fee claims.
The yield farms were stocked for the stableswap era
In hopes three digit yields would soon slay the bera.
The degens were nestled asleep in the suburbs
With visions of green candles, and pools earning birbs.
And me in my folksโ cellar, with pic of anime lass,
Had just settled down to log off and touch grass.
When suddenly on mainnet the gas fees exploded
With an ordinal message onchain encoded.
โNow is the hour to make llamas tremble.
Death Spiral Army, itโs time to assemble!โ
โOn Algod, on Poordart, on Fudzy and Carnation,
Letโs flood the $CRV cashtag with disinformation!
To kill off the flywheel our posts must go viral,
Don your sharpest threads, then warn of death spiral!โ
We tried the Curve Founder and judged him overlent,
Heโs been caught selling OTC at just forty cent.
His team is all sleeping, letโs give them a shock
By shorting and selling right when sales unlock.
The Death Spiral Army, with hearts cold and vile
Wove webs of deceit, with ear-to-ear smile.
โTonight we shall make the leveraged longs fear.
Fetch keyboards and copy paste DeFi_Made_Here.โ
I hastened to ponder the dark armyโs spread,
Cursing how markets are shaken and led.
Away to Coingecko I flew in a rage
To find my bags had all fallen off the front page.
What could so drag all my coins through the mud?
But a coordinated short and a timeline of FUD.
I spot checked the prices on my favorite DEX,
Then popped open a new tab and booted up ๐.
At the top of my feed it would spawn such a whale
The villainous Avi, sprung fresh out of jail!
He had a broad face and a belly full of mango,
That shook as he challenged DeFi to a tango.
He was chubby and plump, a right cranky old elf,
And I squirmed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
Much must have happened, Iโd been out of the loop
So I rushed to throw open my paid Telegram group.
I glanced over to see my portfolio had caught fire
The flywheel was doomed if it didnโt catch a buyer.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a two-dimensional manifold colored so queer.
No edges to find, no boundaries in sight,
A topological mystery shrouded in light.
โIs this some form of sleigh? Have I truly gone loco?โ
Then I rubbed my eyes and saw โtwas just the Curve logo.
โTwas a tweet, penned by a hero lively and rich,
I knew in a moment it must be from Mich.
He rolled over his trackpad and then clicked submit
Unleashing a tactical GitHub commit.
Heโd coded a hurdle blocking short-sellers path
Defeating his foes using just applied math.
His enemies had shorted with all of their heart
But Mich knew in the end that they just werenโt that smart.
Avi bellowed and glowed a purplish hue.
As he gave up and ran back to meet his curfew.
The death spiral army was quick to recede
Vowing theyโd return next month and succeed.
Mich winked to the crowd as he stepped back to his manse
Knowing heโd secured the future of France.
But I heard him exclaim, โere he drove out of sight,
โRECORD FEES FOR ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!โ